1.38

It had been harder to find them then she had thought, Janet thought as she quietly shut the car door behind her. They have moved to a small town and with him being ill they had pretty much squastered themselves away from the normal circles that they had moved in. She supposed that she should feel sorry for them...but she didn't. They had ruined her life. Sure, she thought with a small smile as she looked around, she hadn't really tried to make anything of her life after Terry's death but in her eyes the blame rested with them.

Walking up the walkway she glanced around again. She had planned this. For a month she had made plans. Ever since that day she had met up with Terry again she had no thought but vengence. She had never wanted him to see her this way. She could barely look at herself in the mirror. Especially now. She had known Hunter had killed Terry and yet...she had slept with him anyway. If she were honest with herself she had enjoyed it. How sick was that? How sick was she? Terry had been a faceless hit to him but to her he had been her whole life. Hunter would get what was coming to him, of that she had no doubt. Their child, she was pretty sure that Gabe was Hunter's, would take care of him when the time came.

The step squeaked as she carefully placed a foot down. Through the glass paneling of the door she could see the faint glow of a living room light. She grinned. Some things never changed, she thought.

Standing in front of the door she began to have doubts. Did she really want to do this? Did she really want to make them suffer?
"Yes, of course I do. Make them suffer like I suffered for the last twenty years."
Reaching up she felt along the jamb until her fingers came in contact with a key.
"The more things change..." she whispered as she slipped the key into the lock. Giving a sharp twist Janet slowly pushed open the door.
Back in the day they used to let the butler go at six. Her father hadn't trusted anyone of the servants in the house after dark. Peeking into the small opening she noticed the alarm panel to her right. Sucking in a sharp breath she quietly shut the door behind her and walked over to the alarm. Chewing on her lip she hesitated before punching in a code. The red light flashed for a moment longer before it clicked over to green.

Heaving a silent breath of relief she wiped her sweaty palms on her dress.

Pushing up her shades she glanced around the foyer. The usual tasteful art was hanging up and crystal vases with fresh flowers decorated various end tables. It was as if she had taken a step back into the past. The house might be different but the decorations were the same.
“Jesus Christ mother! Did you keep the same decorator?” Shaking her head she ran a hand over an end table and frowned it came away covered with dust.
“Well, well, well. Looks as if the staff isn’t doing what they’re supposed to be doing. I can relate to that.” Dusting off her hand she walked into the kitchen.

People could always be brought Janet thought as she looked in the fridge and saw the bottle. Her mother always used the same cooking service. It had been easy to slip a college kid an extra three hundred bucks to leave a bottle of 'water' in the fridge when they came to away the old food. Taking it out she uncapped it and sniffed at the contents. She had followed the instructions to the letter and like the instructions said it smelled like…nothing. With a pleased smile she turned to the expresso maker and dumping the water in started the machine. When it was finished bubbling and brewing she absently tapped a finger on the edge of the counter before stiffening her spine and walking into the sitting room.

She’d gotten old. In her mind Janet had known that but it was different actually seeing it. Her mother had aged. Gracefully but still. Her once black hair was now grey but she was still fit and trim. Crouching down she reached out a hand then snatched it back when she realized that it was trembling. She stayed in that position, staring at her mother’s face as she slept, until her legs began to cramp. Standing, she continued to gaze down at the woman who had given birth to her.
She couldn’t remember her mother hugging her or tucking her into bed. No, what she remembered was her mother standing in the background as her father yelled at her or telling her that she needed to lose weight if she ever wanted to catch a decent boy of breeding. She had been a mistake and she realized that every moment of every day. She had never been the child her parents had hoped for. She wasn’t smart enough, wasn’t pretty enough, didn’t socialize with the right children at school. She was a disappointment to them.
Clenching her fist she thrust out her chin. They had disappointed her as well. She couldn’t forget that. Walking over to the piano in the corner she sat down at the bench and taking a deep breath began to play. She hadn’t played in decades but suddenly it was as if she were fifteen again and pouring out her anger through the keys. The strains of Xerxes Ombra mai fu soon filled the room as she lost herself in the music.

She heard stirring behind her and had to blink back tears as the last melody faded away and she was once again in the present.
“Janet? Are you playing Handel? What are you doing here? How did you get in?”
“I used the key that you always left on top of the door Mother. And can’t a child miss their parents?”
“It’s been over twenty years.”
Janet shrugged as her fingers flew over the keys once more.
“Requiem aeternam by Mozart. I see all those piano lessons finally paid off hmm?”
“I haven’t played a piano since I was kicked out of the house.”
“Janet dear, don’t be so melodramatic. You should have given your father time to cool off instead of rushing out of the house.”
“Shut up Mother. I can’t concentrate.”

When the finally strains had faded Janet pulled her hands from the keys and placed them in her lap. She stiffened when she heard clapping behind her. Soft, sardonic clapping.
“Well done. It only took you twenty years to get something right.”
Lynnette’s voice was cold and cutting. Just like Janet remembered. She spun around on the piano bench and ripping off her shades pinned her mother with a glare.
“Did you ever really love me? I know I was a surprise. Neither of you wanted children. Why couldn’t you just have given me up for adoption? Or had an abortion? The both of you tried to kill my spirit anyways so why not be-”
“Oh do shut up Janet Elizabeth. You always thought your life was so miserable. You were a spoiled little rich girl who, when she didn’t get her way, ran away from her responsibilities.”
“My life was miserable. You and father made sure of it. I never was allowed to do anything. You kept me under lock and key. I-”
“You, me, I! It was always about you wasn’t it? I had dreams too. Did you ever think that perhaps I might have been in love with a boy like your Terry? I knew my responsibilities though. I had to marry someone from a good family with connections. And I grew to enjoy your father’s company.”
“Enjoy his company? What about passion? Love?”
“Passion fades and love is for fools. Look where it lead you.” Lynnette eyed her daughters skin tight dress and sky high pumps with disdain.

Janet crossed the room and took a seat across from her mother. Unknowing she sat as she had been instructed time and time again by her etiquette coach. Some habits were just too ingrained. Lynnette smothered a smile as she stared at her daughter’s perfect posture.
“To what do we own this pleasure Janet Elizabeth?”
“I just wanted to get some answers. So, we’re going to sit down and have a nice chat and discuss the murder of my fiancé all those years ago. And-” she said sharply as her mother opened her mouth, “You’re going to give me the truth.”
“Why worry about the past Janet Elizabeth? You-”
“Stop calling me that. My name is Janet. I haven’t been Janet Elizabeth for years.”
“Fair enough. Janet then. Why are you worried about the past? You can’t do anything to change it so why stress about it?”
“Because my past is what made me who I am today. A woman who has nothing and no one.”
“And whose fault is that?”
“Yours! And his!” She stabbed a finger in the general direction of the bedroom. Lynnette raised her eyebrows.
“How is this our fault? We haven’t seen or heard from you in over twenty years. You missed your lover’s funeral. It was a small affair. Quite lovely actually. His mother-”
“Shut up! Just shut the fuck up!”
Lynnette tsked. “Language Janet.”
Taking a calming breath Janet glared across the room at a smiling Lynnette. “I’ll ask the questions. All I want are straight answers. Are we clear?”
Lynnette shrugged gracefully before getting comfortable in her chair. “Whatever you say dear. Your questions?”
Janet closed her eyes as she asked the question she had always wondered. “Did you know that father was going to kill him?”
She opened her eyes when her mother didn’t answer.
“Well?” she demanded.

“Janet dear, I-”
“Straight answers Mother!” she snapped.
Lynnette fiddled with the necklace at her throat before she slowly shook her head. “I didn’t know until it was too late. Janet, you have to realize that your father thought he was doing it for your own good. What did that boy have to offer you? He was the son of a drunk and-”
“He loved me! Me! He didn’t care that I was fat, or that I didn’t have the right connections. He didn’t care that I didn’t know which fork to use when heads of states were over for dinner. He loved me and you took that away from me.”
“And what of your child? A little girl wasn’t it? How is she doing?”
Janet looked away and Lynnette made a sound in the back of her throat. “Oh, I see. A little bit of a double standard isn’t it Janet Elizabeth? You criticize the way that you were raised but you couldn’t even raise your own child could you? Stupid girl. You should have left her with us so-”
“So that she could have been as miserable as I was?”
“And she wasn’t miserable with you?”
“I said that I would be the one asking the questions!” Janet snapped, self loathing bubbling up within her. She hated her mother for shoving her faults in her face. She knew she hadn’t been a good mother to Kaylee. Hadn’t been any kind of mother really. The guilt ate at her even more now than it had years ago. Especially knowing that her daughter had completely washed her hands of her. She was happy, she was in love. She had a family and friends that surrounded her and protected her. She couldn’t ask for anything else.

“Your granddaughter is doing fine. But then again I knew she’d be better off without me so I left her life.”
“Yes, I heard about that. That was just a…smart thing to do Janet. Leaving your seventeen year old daughter to fend for herself. So…selfless.”
Ignoring the smug smile on her mother’s face she uncrossed her legs. “I had my reasons for leaving. And what do you mean that you heard?”
Lynnette shrugged. “We’ve kept tabs on you. Did you really think that we wouldn’t? You’re a liability. Your father wanted to run for office. Of course, he couldn’t do that with a run away child that was no better then a streetwalker now could he? And then he fell ill and,” Lynnette shrugged. “His dreams were shelved. Your father has always been a practical man.”
“So practical that he would murder an innocent man?”
“That wasn’t one of his more smarter moves. However, he thought that you would come back into the fold and we would be the perfect political family. A man who made numerous contributions to other high powerful men, a wife who was willing to put her husband first, a daughter who had just lost a loved one would gain the sympathy vote and the baby, who would never know her father, would win the people over. He would win by a landslide.”
Janet clenched her fist. “He had it all planned out. That bastard!”
“Call him what you will but he is a smart man.”
“He’s a fucking idiot if he thought I would have went through with that. Did he think that I wouldn’t find out about Terry being murdered? He stood over his body for fucks sake and laughed.”
“That man does love to gloat.”
“Do you feel no remorse at all?”
Lynnette paused and tapped her finger against her lip before she spoke. “No. No, I can’t say that I do. I didn’t murder him.”
“But you knew who did and you said nothing! Nothing! Your hands are as bloody as his.”

Lynnette sat back and crossed her legs as Janet shoved herself from the couch and glared at her. “You are a heartless bitch.”
“Dear heart, it takes one to know one. Do you think you’re better than me? I have been married to the same man for over fifty years. When he dies I’ll be free to do whatever I want with the rest of my life. I am content. Are you?”
“I won’t be content until I get what I came here for!” Janet hissed.
“And just what is that?”
“An apology from Father.”
Lynnette gave a dainty snort as she stood. “I wouldn’t hold my breath. As long as I’ve known that man your father has never apologized to anyone.”
“He’ll apologize to me.”
“You think so do you?”
Lynette walked into the kitchen. “Would you like a cup of espresso? The butler usually forgets I can’t sleep until I drink a cup. Odd, I know, but I’ve been like that for years.”
“Yes, I remember Mother. And no, I wouldn’t like a cup. I’m fine. I do have one more question though.”
“Janet, I’m tired. The last few weeks have been hard. Especially on your father.”
“Just one more question Mother. Go ahead and fix your espresso. It’ll hold.”

Lynette poured herself a small cup and turned to sit down at the table. She paused as she eyed the two champagne glasses on the counter next to Lawerence’s medication.
“Today was our anniversary. Did you know that?”
“Yes, I remembered. You used to go out to a fancy restaurant.”
“Your father is too ill to do any of that now.” She sighed softly as she sat down at the table. Blowing gently she took a careful sip of the espresso. Her eyes slid closed as she hummed in contentment.
“This was made perfectly. I’ll have to remember to give the butler a raise. It is so hard to find good help nowadays. That maid has to go. I’ve noticed an appalling amount of dust on my vases.” “Yes, I noticed that too Mother.”
“Of course you did dear. Regardless of how you lived you were brought up to appreciate the finer things in life. Now, what was your last question before you leave?”

Janet waited until she took a few more sips of her espresso before she came up behind her mother and brushed a loose strand of her hair back into her twist. Placing a hand on her shoulder she leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to her ear before she whispered:
“I came here tonight for one other thing.”
Lynnette absently reached up and rubbed at her neck. “W-what was that?”
“For vengeance. I was happy with Terry. Happier than I’d ever been in my life and you and Father took that away from me.”
“You’re starting to repeat…you’re starting to repeat yourself dear.”
Janet smiled grimly at her mother’s slurred speech.
“No, I just want you to know that I won’t regret this. Just as you didn’t regret not telling the police about father’s involvement in Terry’s death I won’t regret yours.”
“I will have you know that…that-” Lynnette lurched in her seat as her vision suddenly blurred. Blinking rapidly she cleared her throat. It suddenly seemed as if the room was too hot and too cold. Her throat felt as if it were closing and she couldn’t draw enough air into her lungs.
“Just had a doctor’s visit. He said…he said…perfect health.”

The cup hit the floor and spun in a semi circle before it came to a stop. Janet turned as Lynnette fell out of her chair and slithered to the floor.
“Janet, what have…what did you do?”
“Something I should have done a long time ago.”
“Your father…he…you-”
“Don’t worry about him Mother,” Janet said as she headed out of the kitchen. “He’ll be taken care of.”
“Y-you bitch. You’ll burn in hell for this.”
“Then I’ll see you there won’t I? Good-bye Mother.”
Walking down the hall she turned the corner when she heard labored breathing coming from a room. Peeking into the room she saw a figure curled on top of the sheets. He looked so frail. Stepping into the room she peered down at him. He looked so peaceful. As if he didn’t have a care in the world.

Stepping back from the bed Janet looked down at him in disgust. This husk of a man was the same person who used to rule the house with an iron fist? He was nothing but a pile of skin and bones. What had once been a headful of hair was now a laughable comb over and was grey. Deep lines were etched in his face. His breath rattled in his lungs. She hadn’t know that she could hate her father even more but staring down at him now she realized it was possible. How could he make her feel sorry for him? How dare he make her feel sorry for him! Reaching out she shoved at his shoulders. He woke with a start and then proceeded to cough until he was nearly out of breath.
“Who is it? Who’s there?”
With a frown she realized that his eyes were cloudy. Testing, she waved a hand in front of his face. He didn’t even flinch. The motherfucker was blind!
“Lynnette? Who’s there?”
His voice was thin and reedy. Shaking her head she stepped closer to the bed and leaned down.
“Hello Father.”

His eyes widened and one hand gripped his chest as the other flung up as if to ward her off. Reaching down she yanked his arms down by his side.
“What’s wrong old man? You look as if you’ve seen a ghost.”
“Janet? Is it really you?”
“How many other Janet’s do you know that call you Father?”
“Dear God! It is you! What are you doing here? Where’s your mother?”
“She’s…indisposed at the moment. Did you need something? Oxygen? Heart medication?”
She watched as his hand crawled across the sheet and he patted the spot where she supposed her mother laid.
“I told you she’s not here. But that just gives us a chance to talk doesn’t it Father?”
“Janet, I haven’t heard from you in years. Why now? And what do you want to talk about?”
“Do you really need to ask that question? What to you think I want to talk about Father?”
That question was met with silence and it stretched for so long that Janet was just about to check and see if the old fart had died on her.
“Terry.”
The name was just a thread of a sound but it pierced her heart. “Yes, Terry. Now, what do you think I want to know Father?”
Again the silence and then, “You want to know why.”
“Bingo! Wow, you’re good at this.”

Walking around the bed she slapped one hand into the other. She watched him wince at the sound. “So, tell me why.”
“It was for your own good. He would only drag you down Janet. You were so young and already pregnant. You hadn’t spoken to us in years and-”
“That was your fault not mine.”
“I didn’t expect you to be so stubborn!”
She snorted. “Then you didn’t know me at all did you. So, you killed the father of my child…and the father of my unborn child, for my own good?”
Lawerence’s eyes widened then he stared blankly up at the ceiling. “I didn’t know that you were pregnant.”
“We had just found out the day that you murdered him. But would that have really made a difference Father?”
He didn’t hesitate. “No.”
“I thought not. So tell me. Who exactly did you have in mind for my future husband?”
“The same man you’re currently sleeping with now.”
She took a stumbling step backward. “Hunter?”
“Yes.” A small smile pulled at his lips. “You see I had visions of glory. My funding for my political career would be provided by the seedy underbelly of our city which would be ran by Hunter. I gave him the money he needed for his start up you see. Imagine how much more powerful he would be with me backing him. I would have made it to the Senate…maybe even the presidency.”
“You ripped apart my life for some delusion of grandeur?”
“I had hopes and dreams. I realize that I was blinded to everything else now. You loved him didn’t you?”
“More than you’ll ever know.”

There was a small snick and then Janet walked around the bed to stand at the foot. Lawerence sniffed the air.
“I didn’t know you smoked. There’s an open oxygen tank in here Janet.”
She inhaled on her cigarette until the end was glowing bright orange. “I know.”
“Janet…”
“Yes Father?”
“How is Kaylee?”
“What do you know of Kaylee?”
“I have people. She’s a smart girl. If I was healthier I would want her to be part of my cabinet. She has a good head on her shoulders.”
“Her husband and his family wouldn’t let you use her like you used me. And she has people watching over her that you would never want to cross.”
“Better then Hunter?”
“Way better than Hunter.”
He coughed as the cigarette smoke reached him. “Janet?”
“Yes?”
“We’ll never know how you’re life would have turned out with Terry but I hope you make wise decisions in the future.”
“I do too Father.”
He could hear her heels on the floor as she walked closer to him. Lifting his arm he fumbled in the air for her hand, for any part of her. He only came up against empty air. His arm fell back to his side. She was still here. He could feel her eyes on him.
“Janet?”
“Yes Father?”
“I am sorry.”
He heard her let out a long breath and then the sound of something being flicked.

“I’m not.”



She had come full circle, she thought as she slipped on her shades and adjusted her wig. Except this time she was leaving the house of her own free will. A smile played around her lips as she headed out the door. She felt as if she had a new outlook on life. Everything that had been haunting her was gone. She had her answers, as superficial as they were. She just had one more demon to exorcise and then she would be free to live her life as she wanted. Or at least what was left of her life.

Climbing into the rental car she sat behind the wheel and let out a slow breath. What did it say about her that she didn’t even feel guilty for killing her own parents? Did it make her a monster? She shook her head as her hands gripped the wheel. No, it said that she was tired of being a puppet. She was ready to stop blaming people for her sorry existence and take control of it.

She didn’t look back when she pulled away from the curb. Like her mother had said: “Why worry about the past? You can’t do anything to change it so why stress about it?”

And for the first time, in a long time, Janet wasn’t stressed.